I have had one of those days. You know the thought process is...how far could I get on this tank of gas. I could live in the minivan for a few days. Would anyone know I was gone...
You know you have all thought it so don't pretend I am crazy. I feel crazy, but I know we've all gone there in our heads.
I locked myself in the bathroom today. Henry was screaming and kicking. I could not get him to stop. I was at the end of my rope. I knew I had to separate myself for both of our benefits. As I sat on the bathroom floor I thought of how I got here. Ponytail, no makeup, mismatched clothes, flip flops and really needing a shower. HOW DID I GET HERE? I wanted this remember? Sometimes we have to remind ourselves of this. I sat there while he screamed even louder and had to fast forward in my mind...this will all pay off someday, this will all pay off someday, they will be good people, they will be good people.
It's HARD. It SUCKS and I am OK with admitting that. But through it all, and sometimes in a huge haze of crappy, I am blessed. I love them and am lucky that heavenly father sent them to me. They are the greatest blessing in my life next to Sam, I just have to repeat it 10 times a lot of days.
Life has been HARD latetly. We have had our lives turned upside down. It has been very stressful and upsetting, yet through it all I have my kids and Sam. That's what is important.
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2 comments:
things are so bittersweet aren't they?
my friend reminded me of a bumper sticker she saw it read:
who are these children and why are they calling me mom?
someday's i want to just ignore my kids and pretend they aren't mine. you are not crazy. you are a mother of little kids. welcome. :)
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